Job lost everything…he questioned God, he questioned his friends, he questioned everything not knowing that God had allowed the losing of all the things to demonstrate his purity and willingness to serve the Lord despite the circumstances and loss of it all.
Job was taken to the crucible of tragedy and came through it acknowledging God.
I have declared recently that I sit on a pile of ash and ruin and in my imagination that is exactly what I see, me sitting atop a soot and ash pile, unworthy, dirty, broken, exposed and humiliated. For weeks I’ve tried to figure out exactly how beauty comes from ashes…ashes make soap..maybe something to do with cleaning but I am struggling to make that work in my mind.
“Ashes are good for?…Reminder, do a Google search and find positive uses for ashes.” Google says: “Soil improvement, making soap (I knew that one) and mild abrasive cleaning.”
Surely there is something better, more beautiful?
Work, home, worsening of already terrible life circumstances, conflict, and confusion. I feel stretched and torn, ripped to shreds and still I sit atop the ash heap hoping that some good thing can come of this ugly mess.
I persist in the things I know are good, know are right and have come to understand are the only lasting and truly decent things this world has to offer; those are the things of Christ. I go to church, CBS, continue to encourage and to love those around me, I point to truth and I read the Word per the usual, as part of the routine.
Chronologically I am in Job, the irony of it all makes me chuckle, I’ve often thought at some point God had to’ve said, “Have you considered my servant, Amy Martin?”
Back in the early morning hours of February 1st, February-a historically horrible month. February-the month I dread most, February short in its duration, yet catastrophic in its devastation.
When February was just a few hours old I completed my unfinished January reading. I was exhausted, behind, a day of work, bitter cold, achy eyes and more shedding of tears forced me to abandon my reading just prior to bed. I took up January 31st reading early, I’ve been in Job, lived like Job, was finishing up Job when I began to read.
“Then Job answered the Lord and said: “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
Job 42:1-6
The last line hit me square between the eyes: there Job sat and what of all things brought about his repentant heart? Dust and ashes! Well they were a sign of his repentant heart, I reckon but the answer had been given to me.
What good can come from ash and ruin? Repentance, change, reconciliation to God and restoration of relationship. In His kindness the Lord led me to a place of understanding and revelation right atop the ash heap.
Ash, the catalyst for the cleansing of the heart.
Post Script…I wrote this fast and furiously in the wee hours of the morning, in early February. I wrote it using my cellphone, a google doc, and my One Year Chronological Bible, my one and only sidekick, unless of course you count the box of Dolla’ Store tissues that I keep bedside in the event there is the shedding of tears, a nearly daily occurrence, but like Job the Lord has answered me with the declaration of Who He is, in His kindness He is revealing to me the very fact that it is indeed His kindness that brings us to repentance and cleanliness.
